Spoiler alert: I’m in a bad goddamed mood. As a teacher, I reveived a lot of presents at the end of the year. Handpainted mugs. Plants. Gift cards (unfortunately none from a liquor store, as I had hoped.) At the end of the last school year, I had been notified that due to budget cuts, … More Platitudes, Schmatitudes.
The end of the school year is always stressful for all teachers, but the end of the 2014-15 school year was, for me, purgatory. Which is ironic. Wait for it. It was a lovely afternoon in early May when the principal asked me and the other first grade teacher to the office after school. I … More RIFfed. Or…”Fair Only Comes To Town Once A Year.”
Teaching new parts of speech to six year olds is not an easy task. In Kindergarten, they learned that words are letters put together in a certain order and have meaning. They learn that print moves from left to right. They learn that sentences are words put together in a certain order to make sense, … More #droptheadjectives
Kate of my dreaming Unruly spirals of strawberry silk Eyes as blue as his Your chubby hand touches my face and I am awake. I don’t think a March 13 will ever begin with anything but tears for me. As I was lying in bed this night before, dreading my dreams, dreading awakening tomorrow morning … More The Blanket
I know you. You are a husband, maybe my husband, and you have a wife that is somewhere between the ages of 40 and 90. You may not even know or remember exactly what that age is, but you know that she had a 40th birthday once, and she isn’t dead yet. You may have … More A Husband’s Guide to Menopause (Book Jacket: Power Tool Technology of the 20th Century)
There are times when something a writer pens something that unknowingly changes things forever. Christmas Day, December of 2007, I wrote a new perspective on the day, and it has changed the way I look at Christmas. I recall it each year, and this year as I hold my sweet new grandchild, it is especially … More Mother Mary
It is so That Time of the Year again. People say the phrase, “That time…”, when avoiding saying something that causes others to cringe. “That time of the month” is certainly nothing to celebrate. Thank God we don’t have trees or Josh Groban songs for that. “It’s that time again” conjures up visions of my … More Oh, Christmas TV… Oh, Christmas TV
I’m in a Starbucks today, where I spent much of my time a few years ago doing college homework, finishing my degree. The degree has been obtained, I have a teaching job, and I’m now taking the morning off in order to have a mammogram and afterwards, sit in a Starbucks, neither doing nor giving … More Starbucks Stories
I have read Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein twice. The first time, I was a 19 year old college student who was full of ego and apple wine. I wasn’t into deep thoughts in 1988. I was into guys. I recall being surprised that Frankenstein was the doctor, not the monster. She must have totally gotten that … More He Vould Have an Enormous Schwanzstucker.
There I was, traveling along the Interstate at a reasonable speed (faster than the posted speed limit but not so fast as to attract the attention of the State Trooper parked just ahead, finishing his Jimmy John’s and responding to his mistress’ latest text), when from behind me came an angry vehicle, obviously in a … More Rage Against The Mini-Van