I like lists. Grocery lists, lists of things I want to do if Spring comes, lists of lists I want to make. But my favorite are Top Ten lists. I have written a few throughout the years, and have collected them in a drawer of sorts. Oh, yes, unfortunately for you, there are more where this came from.
I have decided to post one early, and a few more may follow until the grandaddy of all drinking holidays, the day of the holy St. Patrick. Enjoy with a pint, a terribly fake Irish accent, and the knowledge that this is all in satire. I have a great respect for the crazy, drunken people of Ireland.
Ireland’s Top Ten Best Kept Secrets
10. The Irish really, really hate the color green.
9. The Irish are responsible for the poor state of British dentistry.
8. The government paints the grass green for pictures.
7. The quaint little pubs are all owned by the Planet Holllywood chain.
6. The Blarney Stone is a rock with no magical powers at all. Seriously.
5. The castles have all been purchased by Donald Trump and are scheduled to be turned into casinos by 2020.
4. Irish linen is made in a Taiwanese sweatshop for 2 cents an hour.
3. Clover is smokable.
2. Planned Parenthood is on the corner of 4th and Main;
and finally, don’t tell anyone, but….
1. No one really has an O’ before their name, it’s just a running joke.