I would be remiss if I didn’t comment upon the 2014 Winter Olympics, wouldn’t I? It seems that since it is a quadrennial event more important to the media than the economy or world hunger, I should at least mention it. I should.
Oh, how can I put into words how I feel about the 2014 Winter Olympics? No, I mean, really…what would I possibly say about the television event whose greatest moment for me was Bob Costas’ pink eye? “Oh, did you see the Women’s Skeleton last night?” No, see, I would never say that. That would be akin to me asking, “Hey, did you happen to see the 7-toed cat that was in our neighborhood yesterday?” No, you probably didn’t, and if you did, you were probably just as confused about what the hell it was as I was. Yet the news broadcasters are talking. They are chatting up Men’s Figure Skating like it’s the NBA. Sports that are on television .0001% of the time any other time during a four year period are now interrupting my regularly scheduled programming.
During the events, the commentators give us the play-by-play, throwing out terms like “drifting” and “crampit”, like we know what any of it means. It’s time for me to be entirely honest – I have watched football for years, but I still don’t know what a “safety” is. I could ask my husband, but I don’t. I care only marginally more about football than I do bobsledding.
Speaking of bobsledding…you run, hop onto a sled, and ride it down a hill. That isn’t a sport – that’s a thing I did with my friends when I was 8. That, and jump from a swing to see how far away I could land. THAT isn’t an Olympic sport. But when it becomes one, I will be seriously interested.
Figure skating hasn’t changed much since I last turned the channel from it in 1996. They’re still skating to the same bad music over a really crappy PA system. Seriously Sochi people – $50B on this thing, and it still sounds like a guy is holding a microphone up to a boom box?
Mostly there are events that nearly none of us know the first thing about. My husband, Gregg (The Quiet One), simply cheers when the crowd does and repeats exactly what the announcers say, as if he has been watching ski-jumping for years. Which brings me to the obvious question – why is this on my television?
I know why it’s on TV in general, I guess. But why is it on MY TV? The answer to that is really kind of embarrassing. Gregg likes Channel 13 news at 6:00. By 7:00, we have settled into our couch for naps. By 8:00, the Winter Olympics just magically appears in the midst of our napping/newspaper reading/Internet surfing time, and neither of us can be bothered to change the channel. And then we are sucked into watching it because of the glamorous trappings of Siberia.
If I seem overly critical of the 2014 Winter Olympics, it’s probably because I am living in what appears to be a midwestern U.S. version of Siberia. I am tired of being buried in dirty snow and ice. To those in warmer climates, it probably looks “refreshing” to swoosh through the powdery flakes. But I have to drive in this. I have to monitor “indoor recess”, otherwise known as elementary purgatory. I am a summer sports person, and thus see no appeal in activities that require boots and hats. So I will wait patiently for the return of Spring, mid-season reruns, and sports that I know a little something about.